Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize