There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
