i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
