if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
