thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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