Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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