You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm having to shit out rocks
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
