Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
