ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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