Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
