i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
