i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
