I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
