I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
