cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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