I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
