He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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