I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
