May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
