The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
