we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
