You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
