im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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