My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
