Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
