there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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