When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
