she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
