Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
