Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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