He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
