i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
