My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize