tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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