atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
