I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
