I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
