it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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