he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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