Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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