Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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