Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
