ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
