between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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