I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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