Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
