My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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