Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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