i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
