Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
